All good, right? We are animals, after all. True – except, we’re animals that have developed a capacity for imagination, self-analysis and abstract thought. We possess the tools to envisage an alternative way of being: one that isn’t so damaging to our mental health and sense of self-worth.
We know deep down that constantly comparing our abilities and successes with others’ isn’t good for us. This nagging reality lines each pang of anxiety and twinge of despondency whenever we think somebody has done something better than we have. We feel it in the stab of envy that greets us when looking at the curated social-media feeds of our friends. We grapple with it when measuring ourselves against the celebrities we see on TV and in magazines.
Our nurtured nature
Every facet of life in the 21st century feels like a contest – and it was designed that way. Neoliberalism, the prevailing political ideology that Thatcher and Reagan wove into Western thought, places the individual on a pedestal. It regards competition as the essence of human interaction and collectivism as weakness. We’re either winners or losers, with rewards aplenty for those who are ruthless and self-seeking.
Looking at our lives through this lens, it’s little wonder that mental health issues are widespread. We’re constantly told we’re not good enough; that we have to do better. Yes, self-improvement is something we should all strive for – but when we say we’re doing something for ourselves, do we truly mean it?
Shunning the imposter
This engineered competitiveness manifests itself in our daily working lives. We’ve all heard the term ‘imposter syndrome’ in the media industry, and we’ve all probably paid its toll at some point in our careers. Alas, social learning has baked this propensity to doubt our own abilities into our DNA. We’re taught to never be satisfied; to always strive to be the best. The alternative is failure.
Some say this is a positive driving force. Yet, even if this is true for certain people, how much does this betterment cost? Is the destination worth it if the journey leaves us exhausted, miserable and constantly anxious? Does this ceaseless drive for more ever make us truly happy?
A design for life
Not according to social psychologists, it doesn’t.
Research suggests that the happiest people have the following traits in common: a focus on strong relationships; a preference for time over money; a proclivity to slow down and smell the roses; acts of kindness; physical exercise; pursuing experiences over material goods; living in the present.
Events in Ukraine, Yemen and other war-torn countries show the fragility of life; the roses can be ripped away in a flash. What would be most important to you at that moment? Would it be your career? Probably not. Would it be money? Perhaps there’d be a flicker of consideration, but most people would say their safety and that of those they care about is paramount.
Money and status mean relatively little. Why waste so much nervous energy, then, on worrying about such things all the time?
Just be you
Those of a cynical persuasion may accuse me of being an idealist detached from reality – especially when you have rising costs of living to contend with. I completely understand this viewpoint, but I also believe it’s symptomatic of the conditioning ingrained in us from a young age. We’re told this is the only way to thrive.
Yes, we all have bills to pay. And sure, nobody wants to be regarded as incompetent. But you don’t have to be a homeowner to be a good human. You don’t have to be on Campaign’s Thirty Under 30 list to be a success. You don’t have to gain over a thousand likes on your LinkedIn post to be important. And you don’t have to work till 8pm every night to be a great employee.
Just being you is good enough – it’s a treasure worth more than any salary or penthouse. As corny as it sounds, you are a priceless gift to everyone who loves you.
Ultimately, if you can say to yourself that you make other people happy, that you live your life with integrity, humility and compassion – and in a way that fulfils – then you are a true success story. The rest will sort itself out.
Anyone who tries telling you differently is only masking their own insecurities.